Down with Pro Summer Propaganda!
Summer Enthusiasts Beware!
Every June, like clockwork, the UK turns into a microwave with no off button, and I remember: I hate summer. I hate it, okay????? I will not continue to fake a vibe to make the rest of you comfortable. No, one well-made Aperol Spritz will not change my mind. Why do I hate it? Idk, I guess I have a few main reasons:
I live in the UK, where there is no AC, buildings trap heat, and the heat is… sticky…for some reason?
“It’s probably the humidity or someth- “
NO, no, it’s just different. It’s inescapable. I have spent summer days in 100°F east coast humid heat and been fine. Here, it gets to 78°F, and I can’t deal.
“Go to the Lido or the Pond!“
With all the other free thinkers? It’s always too crowded and the food is ass. I’m sorry, but it is. I feel bad because I know people love it, but for some reason, the London Lido scene isn’t for me. Also, not to be that guy, but I am immunocompromised and don’t trust the pond. I know they clean it, but it’s a pond. I know what goes on in those things, or maybe it’s that I don’t know what goes on in them… either way, no. pond.
If I lived near the ocean, you’d never hear me complain about summer again. I LOVE the ocean. She is my best friend, and if she killed me, I wouldn’t even blame her. If I had a beachfront home, I’d be summer’s number one fan. Alas, this is not my reality.
I think my hate for summer began when I was in middle school and realized that summer meant zero routine. Unfortunately, I thrive off of routine, and no classes or organized events had me bored out of my mind. (Unlike my past self, I wasn’t too gifted in the friend department at that time.) Even though I am an adult now, with somewhat adult responsibilities, when summer comes along, I still feel a ghost around me whispering in my ear, “Noooooo routine oooooh.”
Everyone I have lost, like my favorite people in the world, loss in a way that will shadow me for the rest of my life type of pain, etc. Yeah they all fucking died in the summertime. What the hell is up with that? My Grandpa Jack died on my Granny’s birthday, August 12th. Four years after she died at the end of hmmm… JULY! My other Grandpa died almost two years ago on… YUP August 15th!!!! WTF? I used to joke about my grief with him and how brutal August had been for me in the past. That was not supposed to be a recommendation, and yet…
I also just like the other seasons better. Summer=last place. In third place, we have winter. The first four days of it are my favorite days of the year. Yes, I’m a Christmas fanatic. Sue me. The rest of winter is pretty gross though. In second place, although basically tied with first, is fall. HELL YEAH FALL!!!! Don’t judge me if I am the type of person that does in fact enjoy saturating my diet with pumpkin flavored crap in October. Finally, we have my personal favorite. The golden child: Spring. Now I understand April showers bring May flowers, and those showers can be particularly unbearable depending on where you live. However, ever since I was a kid, I have just been head over heels in love with the spring. Sunny days with a light breeze, everything in bloom, rebirth, renewal, and easter candy! SPRING FOREVAAAAA
Those are reasons why I hate summer, although there are probably more. And yeah, a lot of it is super personal, so it’s a little unjustified, but I don’t care!
I will say though, I don’t like that I sound like such a negative Nancy. I actually used to love summer when I was in elementary school. When life was a bit easier, people were still alive, and my biggest problem was being forced to go to a few camps I didn’t like. I am sure some of my happiest moments in life so far can be traced to summers between 2003-2009, either at the community swim club grabbing a choco taco in Pittsburgh, or at Waterman’s crab house in Rock Hall Maryland having an in-depth conversation with Granny and Jack about why I chose such specific names for the ducks swimming along the dock near our table.
Honestly? Maybe I enjoyed summer more back then because I was uninhibited and carefree enough to decide that I didn’t need any other shoe brand during the summer other than Crocs. They were comfy, easy to decorate, and stable. Set up for comfort and happiness. Maybe that will ease my feud with summer? I do have a pair of SpongeBob Crocs, but they’re slightly too small… I refuse to get rid of them, though, because, well, they’re SpongeBob Crocs. If I get a pair that fits and it miraculously changes my outlook, I will let you all know.
Look, I will always smile when I smell sunscreen or open the gate to a beach pathway. I am not a monster. I just can’t get on board with the pro-summer lobbyists.
Let me know your thoughts on summer! I won’t back down, but I am always intrigued to hear about people’s opinions of the seasons, because opinions, like seasons, are subject to change.